i miss her

two months ago today was the last day that i got to spend with michelle. i'm not sure why tonight i'm having all of these feelings and tears lots of tears. i'm better now i'm moving on. i miss her like crazy. the last day we spent together was awesome. we went to a time out for sisters thing. i wasn't going to go but she told me she wouldn't take no for an answer. we had a blast. we sat in the back rows laughed a lot, we didn't cry too much i'm glad for that, we talked about everything that day, our kids, husbands, future, past, life, sadness, a lot of laughter and joy. i miss her so bad. here is a few things that come to mind when i think of michelle

1. she always could make me see the bright side of life. though so much junk that we have to put up with everyday she could always see the good.
2. she tells the truth, no matter when you wanted to hear it or not she would let me know!!
3. she is a real person, when i say real i mean genuine totally herself no matter what.
4. she loves everyone, judges no one
5. michelle interrogated the love of my life for me
6. she helped me pick out my wedding dress,
7. she makes me feel beautiful even on my ugly days
8. she's an amazing mother, i want to be like her, her kids are so important to her, she loved to just play with them, get dirty, make a snack, dance, sing, teach, wow is all i can say about it
9. she has an amazing testimony of where she came from, who she is and where she's going
10. no task was too big for her.
11. she was madly in love with her husband
12. she was never too busy or too sick to be a friend
13. she loves me

I think i could go on all night but i better go to sleep now that the tears have subsided for a moment.
I love you Michelle!

class pictures

it's not fair being a kindergarten teacher when it comes to class picture how can i compete i am a giant towering over 17 super cute kids. it doesn't matter what i do i will never look thin in this setting. such is life. the kids all look great!!

waiting for answers

okay so i went to the doctor today even thought i felt like a dork walking in totally healthy anyhow we started the testing process. i told the wonderful nurse that if it was a panic attack it might happen again when they take my blood. lol. i was fine just not a big fan of giant needles. i will get results tomorrow. Yeah it's kinda fun to stump the doctor but not really. hopefully we'll figure it out.

what's wrong with me

so about two weeks ago i was sick for like 4 days straight. but i'm better now Friday i had a headache that started about 10 in the morning subsided for a few hours then about 4:00 i fell asleep and woke up not able to stand for more than a few moments my head was aching and my body was weak. when i finally fell back to sleep i didn't awake till 10:30 at night. and even then i was a little shaky.
yuck yuck yuck
so some of you may be thinking this woman is insane and i haven't even got to the best part.
yesterday saturday big sister and i were on our way out for some quality girl time on our way i started having some serious abdominal pain. so we stopped first by the dollar store we walked back to the ladies room. within two minutes of getting out of my car i was on the floor in the ladies room. i had strange tingling sensations running through my whole body. my arms my legs, my face, my tongue my whole body. i was in a cold sweat, not really breathing, crying and in a lot of pain.
kudos to big sisters who was like mom when are we going shopping. love her gotta love her but she handed me my phone and i called the love of my life. i was trying to decided if i should call him or 911. it was a little scary. by the time he got to where i was about 15 minutes i was better well enough to drive home but still pretty shook up.
i'm better now but i'm sure i should go to the doctor and ask her what she thinks about the whole thing.
grrr sometimes i feel like such a drama queen.

a little rattled

as you know last month my best friend here in idaho passed away. her son, africa is in kindergarten not in my class, for one major reason to him i am not a teacher i am his mom's best friend. it would almost be like teaching my own child. not an experience i want to encounter. lol! well since michelle's death things at school have been a little nutty for africa. and until now i never wanted him in my class. today I am close to asking his father to transfer him to my class for the last 6 weeks of school.
naturally when a mother passes away the child is a little out of it. and africa is not different, he's trying to figure stuff out. see what he can do and get away with. he father told me he's testing the waters, bring toys to school and lying at home. i firmly believe that at this point in time the strings need to be pulled tight not let loose. africa is a very bright child and will try anything.
today he tested the waters, long story short he ended up missing i about broke down. we found him and it wasn't his fault it was a lack of communication to the proper authorities and letting africa be in charge instead of the teacher.
i'm going to think about this a lot i know i'm glad he's fine. but right now i'm not

i love the snow but not in april

as i was getting ready for the day the love of my life told me that it was raining outside that made me smile until i look outside a few minutes later and it wasn't rain but snow and lots of it. we now have several inches and my kindergartners are not going out to recess!!! spring is so much fun in idaho!

in like a lamb...

well this lovely month of march started out okay but didn't stay that way for too long. i'm not really sure how to write this but mostly it's a farewell to a month that i would have like to skipped but i also realize that if i miss this month i also leave out a lot of lessons learned. i would like to turn back the clock and have my best friend here in idaho with me but she as moved on to bigger and better things and because it i feel that i've been inducted in to this exclusive club of people who have had death in their life. it's hard to explain that feeling but it's very real. i've endured the dentist, the flu, mourning, the flu, the blessing and sometimes challenge of helping many friends. yes it's been quite a month. i'm sure i could say more but i would like to just say GOOD BYE, and pray that april is..... well.....
a little less intense.

and another one

this is getting a little weird to me most times i don't remember my dreams and definably not so vividly but here goes last nights episode

*the dream stared out with neil and i's wedding not our real wedding but we were getting married never the less. next it was niels little brothers turn. he just recently got engaged and they have set the date for june 7th i'm so super excited for them both. anyhow back to the dream we are at an outside wedding inside a big blue tarp (again this is so not the real thing) a close friend to the bride and groom is officiating. i didn't catch his name but he was tall with dark curly hair. and he was hilarious. he begins the ceremony in spanish explaining what he learned about marriage in 5th grade health lesson. the bride ended up on an exam table and the friend was saying something about he belly button unfortunately my spanish isn't that great even in my dreams and i was at a wedding so i didn't want to ask neil right then what he was saying. but everyone laughed and they moved on.
things went back to english stories of missions were shared, they gave a dance lesson, the bride shared some of their dating experiences. at one point i thought she was going to give the groom a root canal. the dream ended with the friend saying okay lets get to what we came here for...

that's it i can't wait for the reception!!! dreams are so fun. had i known weddings could be done like this i may have talked to neil a year ago to see what we could cook up. lol oh by the way hailey you looked beautiful!

analyze this

dreams always leave me in a stupor
take last night's episode for example

*i took little missy to the dentist or so i thought but turns out they couldn't do anything for her so they kicked me out. this is where i loose my kids i'm not sure where they went(at a later time they are at home so maybe my prince met me at the dentist's office to take them home, this has happened before) but i ended up in the lobby of the dental office or so i thought but as i looked around i realized i was in restaurant/bar something similar to apple bees or red robin but a little more classy. i was all alone but only for a while. soon i met four friends Shannon, Kyla, Bree and the forth i can't recall i've been trying all day. if you want me to i could describe their physical features. well we sat and chatted i think we ordered a plate of nachos it was great how they just took we in.
when we got up to leave they invited me to go up to their apartment, i told them not today but i would see them around i had to find my way home, i was sure my husband and kids were wondering where i was. so they went to an upstairs apartment and at one point i learned that the girls whose name i can't remember was struggling to make it. i'm not sure what that meant i think it was money but it's kind of a blur.
i walked outside into the street i knew i was in utah, but it looked like a street that one would see in CSI NY or law and order SUV. a run down street in new york where scary things happen. i walked along quickly wondering what i was going to do how i was going to get home. i saw a bus ahead but when i stopped to look inside i got the impression that it was actually some ones home. the driver asked if i wanted a ride i passed, truthfully the guy gave me the creeps so kept walking but the road was coming to an end i turned to the right through a small passage way i was out side of the city walking among trees there was high school foot ball practice to my right and hundreds of suburban homes stretched out in front of me. i stopped to ask someone how i would get to idaho. they told me to take the bus. as the bus passed behind me. that one i asked pointing the home on wheels i had passed by earlier. the family in front of me said yep that's the one it should be back in a few hours to take me to the airport or to catch a grey hound.
Thanks i said as i kept walking it looked a lot like rio rancho new mexico but i knew i was in utah and it wasn't until that moment that i remembered i have a best friend right here in this state i was sure not too far away who would come to help me. i found a mileage sign and flipped open my phone....

that's the end it was one of those that i wanted so bad to finish but it was no use the kids were awake and the rest well it's untold for now.

celebrate

to honor the king of rhyme

i thought i'd take a little time

to express my gratitude with grace
and fill up this little space

happy birthday to the king
the one who brought us that thing
and the thing number two

to show us- what is fun to do

the cat in the hat

and sam i am

the lorax

and the who's

for the grinch

and the sneeds

the sniches

and their stars

for the Wocket

in the pocket

the Zower

in the shower

Oh the things you can think

In a people house

Oh the places you'll go

in a house with a mouse

i know my rhyme is simple

but that's okay
i'll go play with my kwimple

Happy Birthday anyway!!!

men after my own heart!

if i didn't have anything else to do i would read all day and when i wasn't reading i'd be writing. so these moments fill my heart with joy!

MY daisies!

as a mother i find that a lot of things that belong to me are not really mine. let me explain! the first moment that i specificaly remember was my 23rd birthday. i was 8 months pregnant with my first child and for MY last birthday as a motherless person, one of my best friends gave me a baby blanket. now don't get me wrong. i was grateful and i chersh the gift. she had spent a lot of time on it and it was a wonderful gift. however it was not really mine.

i don't know if it's just me but it seems that nothing is sacred when your a mother. my dinner plate, my bed, my purse, my lap, my pillow, my cloths, my time, my dignity. i love my children and want to give them everything in the world. it is a huge blessing in my life to have sister and brother however, one thing that i'm selfish about is...

MY daisies!!

The love of my life (who i also share) sent me a dozen daisies for valentines day!! they are my favorite. i love them and they are MINE!!!

hope ya'll had a great febuary 14th no matter what your relationship statis is!

enjoy the things that are yours!

mother of the year

at dinner tonight we asked sister what she wanted to be when she grew up.
"i'm just going to be a mom"
"WHAT!!! being a mom is not a just when your a mom you are a teacher, a nurse, a counselor, a chauffeur, a referee...." of course none of this sank into sister's head but i will continue to teacher her that if she has the privilege of being able stay home with her children then it's not just being a mom!
fast forward 25 mins
-bathtime-
i'm sitting in the bathroom while sister and brother take a bath. watching them fight then play and fight again, over who has the big water cup or the pink rubber ducky completely disregarding the four other ducks in the tub at the same time. i wash their hair, and as always, do my best not to get soap in their eyes. Unfortunately tonight i failed when it came to the conditioner and sister decided i was her towel. I said what do you think i am your towel and she giggled and said yes. i guess that's one more thing to add to the list of things i am, as a mother, a towel.
then i began to wonder if "the mother of the year" ever was used as a towel. in my research i found two examples of mother of the year.

First
Mother of the Year State and National Recognition Program
Qualifications
Be at least forty-five (45) years of age.
Have been married to her husband, a man, in a legal ceremony.
Be a mother of one or more children. Her youngest child must be at least 15 years old by Mother's Day of the year in which she will serve as Mother of the Year.
Have proven to be a successful mother as evidenced by her child(ren)'s accomplishments.
Be able to represent American Mothers, Inc.® using her mothering experience.
Be an active member of a faith-based organization.
Be an active participant in community, state, national or international activities.
Be a member in good standing of American Mothers, Inc.® by February 20 of the year for which she is nominated and be willing to participate in AMI activities and support its goals as defined by its mission statement.
Be able to complete the required portfolio.

Second

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygz0m6za0BI


I know which one i aspire to be! How about you?

open & honest

friendships come and go but there are a precious few that stand the test of time. my best friends and they know who they are have been here for me through thick and thin. though none of us are in the same stage of life but some how we manage to stay connected. recently there was quite a snag among us. tho whole premise for this hindrance in what most of the time is a pretty solid friendship came from lack of open and honest communication. i consider bluntness to be a super communication skill of course there should always be consideration for others feelings but the ability to be able to say what is on your mind to be open and honest is a quality i strive to have. unfortunately in this most recent incident i let my pride get the good of me and i didn't let the friend who hurt me know how i felt. and in the same incident she was not open and honest with me. so for two months we were both frustrated, me because i didn't understand why she was being so selfish and her because she knew she would be letting me down. both of these feeling by the way were twisted because neither of us knew the whole truth, until last night. it's not all better now but it's getting there. i know she is still hurt but i don't know how to fix it. never the less i'm grateful for this reminder that open and honest is the best way to go and hopefully thing amongst friends will grow and strengthen through this experience.

is it too much to ask for a snow day!!

okay so this is my fifth year teaching in idaho. that is approximately 850 days of school of which at least 400 have been winter days. never the less i have only had the opportunity to enjoy a snow day ONCE!!! i guess i had a secret hope that these wonderful winters here in idaho would allow more snow days. though i'm not sure why i went to jr. high, high school and college in idaho as well and though i'm not sure how many snow days we had i did know it's not more than 5. so maybe living in a state with snow isn't the way to go. i should move to california, or arizona. they seem to have more snow days in places that has snow only 3 days a year. ironic yes. but it's cool maybe i'll take all my kindergartners out to build a snowman or 20!