i couldn't sleep last night. i was lying in bed and retraced my steps of the day. i listened to the love of my life drifting in and out of consciousness. i could help but search for the meaning behind so many events people and feeling colliding all in to one day.
i thought first of the quality time that i had with each of my children. they are so precious and fragile. they are so tough, so strong. i want to hold them in my hands all the time i want them to know who they are where they come from. so much to tell them i don't feel like there is time enough.
i thought of the baby shower i attended before lunch, this new best friend, what linked the two of us together; our experiences our tragedies and trials. what once made this strong woman so vulnerable and so unsure of herself? what a question! it's the same thing or same someone who nearly brought about my destruction. both of us so grateful for our simple silk treads intertwining.
it's as if no matter where we go or what we do pieces of our past will always find us, possibly hurt us, possibly heal us.
these events alone seem insignificant, everyday happenings. now i think the encounter of another woman who shares our pain. this must be what has brought it all to this sleepless night. i met the other woman. i couldn't help but hug her. i don't know why i felt like that was the proper introduction but i did it. i asked her how her life has been how her little girl was. i looked at that little girl and loved her instantly so sweet. i looked into the face of the other woman she seems to be okay there was some pain there but like the rest of us she has lived life the good the bad the ugly. we laughed for a minute and then walked away. i met her. i feel her pain. i feel like a country song. for a moment i wanted to take a picture of the two of us standing side by side and forward it on the cause of so much pain. it was a split second and that desire was gone. as it should be.
once again the past found me, it hurt me (a little), i'm waiting for it to heal me.
this may have been posted by the not so nice one
1 other thoughts:
How strange, when you actually come to the place that you've maybe been dreading, maybe been picturing, and it's all good because we're all humans who make mistakes and suffer through trials, and can find love in our hearts even for those who have touched us in this way.
I just hope that someday I can pull it off as well as you were able to. I don't know if I will.
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