so being a mom comes with lots of up and downs my current down is kind of an up too.
For several weeks i have woke up to the cries both big sister and little brothers.
how is it a down?
because i've got to get out of my comfy bed(the selfish me) and because my children are obviously scared.
how is it an up?
it's kinda nice to have a chance to cuddle up and fall asleep next to my babies (again selfish)
big sister-no the one at the school, his beard kept falling down and he had a mustache underneath and the one at dell had a real beard as a mother this is how our santa visits have been thus far
year one-big sister was about 36 hours old no tears
year two- big sister lots of tears
year three-big sister screaming, little brother worried looks
year four-big sister pouting, little brother crying
year five-both jumped on his lap with big smiles!!
so today was the first full day in our new ward. neil and i both received callings right before church. i'm going to be the miamaid advisor which should be fun since i can't seem to keep my mouth shut through a lesson now i can teach the lesson. and neil was called as the first counselor in the elders quorum. we both got set apart today and the spirit was defiantly present. but it didn't really feel like home. the bishop was very nice and i'm sure it will get better but i was hoping that people would be a little more friendly. and they were nice but well there were no warm fuzzies!
I took my camera to Bestbuy to have it cleaned not realizing that they didn't do it there on site but send it off some where to be cleaned. so therefore i don't know when it will be back i'm scared (i'm sure for no good reason) that it will get lost in the mail and i'll loose all of my pictures and feel this emptiness of not having my camera forever!!!
saturday morning-sister smashed her finger in the car door
monday night-sister says "oh great, this is the finger i pick my nose with what am i going to do now?"
and just in case my week wasn't crazy enough
yesterday our ward boundaries changed and i am now one of the few who are no longer in the shoshone ward!
i haven't decided how i feel about this yet.
i know everyone has a day now and again when they really don't want to get out of bed. well that would have been my week if i could have slept at all. luckily there were some many good things amid the annoying and somewhat nerve racking things.
I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS
filed a grievance
TWO DATES WITH MY HUBBY
dealt with bipolar ex
BAKED COOKIES WITH NINOS & HUBBY
loving life!!
3-making Christmas present: last year my sewing machines started making an awful noise i got it out to have my grandma look at it and no noise, thus i don't need a new one for Christmas so i might get diamond earrings. I've said many times that i think stay at home moms are amazing i mean i would love to have that privilege however i don't. anyhow one thing that i do believe strongly in is quiet time. a time during the day where children relax take a nap, read a book, play quietly. mostly for sanity purposes of the mother namely ME! well the babysitter doesn't have a quiet time so the weekends are a little difficult but regardless there is some quiet time on saturday and sunday. today there is no school and thus quiet time. i thought we'll do this early so there will be time to play later. plus the fact that my ninos are sick a little down time would be good for them. hmm yeah well that started at 12:30 it's not 3:45 and well it hasn't been to quiet or relaxing.
such is life i guess
somedays i wish someone would give me a quiet time and leave me alone.
not me but little brother! we've got an appointment today to make sure it's nothing major i mean more major then what i think it is RSV! but that could turn to pneumonia or bronchitis. anyhow little brother is a joy to hang out with he relaxing and watching tv. he's a complete cuddle bug. however big sister is another story altogether she insists on sneaking around getting into things (jewelry boxes, candy jars, refrigerator,etc) well she finally found something to occupy her time she put on a yard sale in her room but now doesn't want to clean it up! we've got things flying around the room not the first time this week she's been throwing fits major, it's so frustrating, books flying, she's told me that she's asking santa for a new mom, punching, knocking over chairs.
so i've been doing my research trying to figure out how to be a better mom so this stops happening, turns out i'm doing what i should and it's normal for her to push buttons at this moment i'm sure if i asked my mom or grandmother they would tell me she need a good beating, however that doesn't really work with big sister! not that i'm a fan of beating my child.
so any suggestions!
just more hugs i guess!
i've been blogging for days but mostly just complaining about one thing or the other. administrators who don't really understand all that a kindergartners need to learn in the few hours they are in my classroom a day. big sisters radical temper tantrums that i was sure we had concurred an ex husband who i really can't understand blah blah blah the list goes on but i'll stop there because i didn't post my whining blogs this week and don't want to start now!! i just have to send my love out to women everywhere who are facing all the challenges that come along with life!!
Marry the right guy the first time so you don't have to deal with an idiot ex-husband later!!!
there is a little kink in the presidential adoption-the only word that works for this is bipolar!
it's an unwelcome memory lane one of my childhood days of abuse, neglect, foster homes, sleepless nights, endless worry, being the mom at 7, blood, police cars, lots and lots of tears. i could dig deeper but it's not pleasant so if i can get a way with stopping here i will.
Now a few of my kindergartners, are now going though what i went through starting in first grade. how do i show them they are loved, how do i teach them who they really are, how do i teach them that what is happening to their moms isn't right and they need to rise above it and not find themselves in that place when they are older, how do i teach them of their worth, how do i teach them...
i have not recollection of how my teachers did this for me but i know they did that's why i'm a teacher, i want to help these children, i want to teach them all of these things, to believe in them that they can do ANYTHING!! and show them, teach them, lead them to do ANYTHING!!
I want them to know the Savior and that HE is their for them
Abide with me; ’tis eventide.The day is past and gone;The shadows of the evening fall;The night is coming on.Within my heart a welcome guest,Within my home abide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;Behold, ’tis eventide.O Savior, stay this night with me;Behold, ’tis eventide.
Abide with me; ’tis eventide.Thy walk today with me Has made my heart within me burn,As I communed with thee.Thy earnest words have filled my soul And kept me near thy side.
O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, 'tis eventide. O Savior stay this night with me; Behold, 'tis eventide.
Abide with me; ’tis eventide,And lone will be the night If I cannot commune with thee Nor find in thee my light.The darkness of the world, I fear,Would in my home abide.
okay so in my defence it's been a week since i lost a ton of blood and i'm finally feeling like i kind of have an idea about what's going on around me. in the mist of all of my drama the kids got strep! lovely i know so they started medication at a friends house because i couldn't be in contact with those germs or i could end up back in the hospital. so they have been home since saturday the friend handed me the antibiotics said one tsp morning and night. so i did what i was told i even double checked on the bottle to make sure it was one tsp. well i didn't look close enough at the spoon that i've been using to administer the medication, this morning is stopped for some reason and looked at the spoon. yeah not good i've been giving them twice the dosage since saturday evening! i was really thinking all along this is not going to last 10 days! Wow is all i can say welcome back to reality!
1 in 200 at 16 weeks
hemorrhage
Blood loss
Blood count
IV's
Bed Rest
good books
pretty flowers
insane boredom
prayers
Hugs
Faith
so i struggled to find something to do tonight for the beehive activity!
well it came together pretty well
we read from D&C 2,
talked about our families,
and filled in a Family Tree!
the girls loved it!!
yeah!!
hope to get them excited about family history!
wish me luck!!
Today after school the love of my life and i are reviewing and signing papers for my love to adopt the presidents!! yippy!
Yesterday
big sister says @#$*^,(it's not as bad as you think it is)
i ask where did you here that?
A boy at the babysitters says that
Big sis don't say that it's not a nice word
Today
Mom if little brother says @#$*^ tell him not to it's not a nice word
big sister took part in the primary program today! she stood up looked around, and laughed when she looked at me! they she said her part " I came to a family and received a body. Earth life is a time to learn and prepare for eternal life." so proud i was!!
so didn't get any criticism this week! cause i'm a dang good teacher! it's probably a good thing because i'm a little emotional as of late!
i'm sure i've said it before and you can count on me to say it again!! i'm a dang good teacher!! granted my first few years of teaching were a little shaky but i feel like I have a True given talent to teach! i'm sure that this belief doesn't help my pride issue but well i deal with it and unfortunately i let my pride get the best of me today! i know what i'm talking about and i don't like to be second guessed and i'm not a big fan of constructive criticism. it's nothing new i've always been this way. prideful!! hopefully tomorrow will be better!
today during our potty training adventures i was bribing little brother with "dots". he asked for a yellow one. i pulled one out and handed to him he says,
"It's Beautiful"
today after school the principal stopped me to ask me if i was okay!
i said "yeah i'm fine."
she says "you just look really tired"
to which i replied, "i'll be this way all year"
not to dwell on the negative to much but still pay tribute to a good friend and great example i wanted to say how much Tera is missed by so many and that her life has had a tremendous impact on my life as well as so many others!! we should never take one moment for granted or forget the impact of one life and that we are all here to help each other!
No man is an Island!
Love you Tera!!
i'm not quite sure how to start for days i really didn't feel that i had anything of significance to post now i have so many thing some happy, some sad, some crazy, some sobering but it feels wrong to put them all in the same post! hmm okay so on that note the first in several post about my past week!
so school starts back in one week! it's crazy too me i'm trying talk myself into being excited i'm sure it will come if i keep trying. summer went way too fast but i guess i should be glad that i had a summer most other occupations don't get 2 1/2 months to play! lucky me. we still don't have a kindergarten/preschool teacher here. which is a little frustrating but i guess i just better put a smile on and everything will turn out okay!!
little brother climbs the ladder of the monkey bars steps 10 inches across to another bar, balances on crossbar then slides down!
Mom i did it, and I didn't even die!!!
(speechless) YEAH little brother?
kids say the darnedest things.
the caribou county fair is this week!! good times
this is what i found
take a look
anyone who remembers my baby brother when he was a baby will love this pic
for as long as i can remember i have wanted to be a young woman's leader. they are so cool. they get to work with awesome girls and have fun every Wednesday night. it's a awesome job, that forever i have wanted. until about four months ago. then it was the last place i wanted to be for several reasons. i still think it's the coolest calling.then girls camp which was awesome but i have excepted that i'm not going to be in young woman's.
today i was put in young woman's
covet not
i knew i should have wrote it down when i woke up. all i really remember is that there were mermen, a mountain lake, angry humans with big trucks that ripped through the forest, romance, sacrifice, running, trees, drama, blood, tears, swimming, more romance. it was a great dream!
Last night i have a very strange dream!! the strangest part was that i wasn't in my dream! i was the story teller. watching it all unfold! i was thinking of writing about it here but decided that maybe i'll write is in short story form. if i can remember it!
So two weeks before girls camp I was called to be the director. (The previous director moved at the end of May). I was way excited for the opportunity seeing how I love girls camp!! LOVE IT! And I was also way excited that I was able to put my own twist on what was all ready planned.
1.Saying good-bye- not to the girls but to big sister and handsome, they didn’t even flinch as I gave big hugs good bye on Tuesday morning, I was almost in tears but I sucked it up and they really did have great week hanging out with dad!
i was hoping to blog today before i left for girls camp but well it's not going to happen. i wanted to say how grateful i am for all that i have been given, my family and friends. but i'll have to do that when i get home!!!
it's true i read it in a magazine!!!
anyhow i've been meaning to write for days but i've been traveling the western USA which isn't much, planning girls camp and getting ready for summer school. oh yes and completely absorbed in stephanie meyer's book "The Host".
I thought it was Summer VACATION! i guess it is it's all the things i don't get to do while i'm at work very day!
i'm about to run away screaming. once again i have no idea how stay at home moms do it without going insane.
I am making a public apology. Very public!! this apology goes to anyone has ever fallen victim to another complaining about themselves. now granted we all have our bad days. when we wake up and don't feel pretty, skinny, or that our life is not really that great, and if you've never had one of those days you're my hero and i want to be just like you. 
now i don't think that it's wrong to feel this way on occasion but it's what we do when we have these very destructive feelings.
there are two options...
1. Suffer, feel sorry for ourselves, complain, cry, become depress, suffer from amnesia of who we really are Children of God, complain some more, rot, rot, rot...
2.Get over it!! i don't mean to sound insensitive here but some how (that's the tough part) We've got to remember that our worth is not determined by our pant size, what the scale says, or the appearance of our body, skin, hair, etc.
well i think the first choice is pretty simple but that's probably because i'm having a great day!!
maybe we should address the tough part, How do we get over it!
here are a few things that help me.
if these things have no affect on your bad day and your bad days seem to be more like bad weeks, or months i would suggest talking to someone about this who knows more than i do.
again i'm sorry for complaining. I am beautiful no matter what the stupid mirror says and so are YOU!!!
7:30 wake up
8:00 Breakfast
8:30 pick up house
9:30 Play
10:30 play some more
11:30 Lunch
12:00 Walk to post office/park/ Library
1:00 story time
1:30 Quiet time
3:30 Play
4:30 quick pick up
5:00 Dad's home
6:00 Dinner
6:30 Play
7:30 get ready for bed
8:00 Bed time
yes this is the life!!!
and not a minate too soon. in fact yesterday i was thinking it was about 3 weeks late. i just finished what i think is my best year. great class of super smart kids who were excited to learn and worked super hard. so here's to summer and being a mom which is a tougher job then kindergarten ever was.
two months ago today was the last day that i got to spend with michelle. i'm not sure why tonight i'm having all of these feelings and tears lots of tears. i'm better now i'm moving on. i miss her like crazy. the last day we spent together was awesome. we went to a time out for sisters thing. i wasn't going to go but she told me she wouldn't take no for an answer. we had a blast. we sat in the back rows laughed a lot, we didn't cry too much i'm glad for that, we talked about everything that day, our kids, husbands, future, past, life, sadness, a lot of laughter and joy. i miss her so bad. here is a few things that come to mind when i think of michelle
1. she always could make me see the bright side of life. though so much junk that we have to put up with everyday she could always see the good.
2. she tells the truth, no matter when you wanted to hear it or not she would let me know!!
3. she is a real person, when i say real i mean genuine totally herself no matter what.
4. she loves everyone, judges no one
5. michelle interrogated the love of my life for me
6. she helped me pick out my wedding dress,
7. she makes me feel beautiful even on my ugly days
8. she's an amazing mother, i want to be like her, her kids are so important to her, she loved to just play with them, get dirty, make a snack, dance, sing, teach, wow is all i can say about it
9. she has an amazing testimony of where she came from, who she is and where she's going
10. no task was too big for her.
11. she was madly in love with her husband
12. she was never too busy or too sick to be a friend
13. she loves me
I think i could go on all night but i better go to sleep now that the tears have subsided for a moment.
I love you Michelle!
it's not fair being a kindergarten teacher when it comes to class picture how can i compete i am a giant towering over 17 super cute kids. it doesn't matter what i do i will never look thin in this setting. such is life. the kids all look great!!
okay so i went to the doctor today even thought i felt like a dork walking in totally healthy anyhow we started the testing process. i told the wonderful nurse that if it was a panic attack it might happen again when they take my blood. lol. i was fine just not a big fan of giant needles. i will get results tomorrow. Yeah it's kinda fun to stump the doctor but not really. hopefully we'll figure it out.
so about two weeks ago i was sick for like 4 days straight. but i'm better now Friday i had a headache that started about 10 in the morning subsided for a few hours then about 4:00 i fell asleep and woke up not able to stand for more than a few moments my head was aching and my body was weak. when i finally fell back to sleep i didn't awake till 10:30 at night. and even then i was a little shaky.
yuck yuck yuck
so some of you may be thinking this woman is insane and i haven't even got to the best part.
yesterday saturday big sister and i were on our way out for some quality girl time on our way i started having some serious abdominal pain. so we stopped first by the dollar store we walked back to the ladies room. within two minutes of getting out of my car i was on the floor in the ladies room. i had strange tingling sensations running through my whole body. my arms my legs, my face, my tongue my whole body. i was in a cold sweat, not really breathing, crying and in a lot of pain.
kudos to big sisters who was like mom when are we going shopping. love her gotta love her but she handed me my phone and i called the love of my life. i was trying to decided if i should call him or 911. it was a little scary. by the time he got to where i was about 15 minutes i was better well enough to drive home but still pretty shook up. 
i'm better now but i'm sure i should go to the doctor and ask her what she thinks about the whole thing.
grrr sometimes i feel like such a drama queen.
as you know last month my best friend here in idaho passed away. her son, africa is in kindergarten not in my class, for one major reason to him i am not a teacher i am his mom's best friend. it would almost be like teaching my own child. not an experience i want to encounter. lol! well since michelle's death things at school have been a little nutty for africa. and until now i never wanted him in my class. today I am close to asking his father to transfer him to my class for the last 6 weeks of school.
naturally when a mother passes away the child is a little out of it. and africa is not different, he's trying to figure stuff out. see what he can do and get away with. he father told me he's testing the waters, bring toys to school and lying at home. i firmly believe that at this point in time the strings need to be pulled tight not let loose. africa is a very bright child and will try anything.
today he tested the waters, long story short he ended up missing i about broke down. we found him and it wasn't his fault it was a lack of communication to the proper authorities and letting africa be in charge instead of the teacher.
i'm going to think about this a lot i know i'm glad he's fine. but right now i'm not
as i was getting ready for the day the love of my life told me that it was raining outside that made me smile until i look outside a few minutes later and it wasn't rain but snow and lots of it. we now have several inches and my kindergartners are not going out to recess!!! spring is so much fun in idaho!
well this lovely month of march started out okay but didn't stay that way for too long. i'm not really sure how to write this but mostly it's a farewell to a month that i would have like to skipped but i also realize that if i miss this month i also leave out a lot of lessons learned. i would like to turn back the clock and have my best friend here in idaho with me but she as moved on to bigger and better things and because it i feel that i've been inducted in to this exclusive club of people who have had death in their life. it's hard to explain that feeling but it's very real. i've endured the dentist, the flu, mourning, the flu, the blessing and sometimes challenge of helping many friends. yes it's been quite a month. i'm sure i could say more but i would like to just say GOOD BYE, and pray that april is..... well.....
a little less intense.
this is getting a little weird to me most times i don't remember my dreams and definably not so vividly but here goes last nights episode
*the dream stared out with neil and i's wedding not our real wedding but we were getting married never the less. next it was niels little brothers turn. he just recently got engaged and they have set the date for june 7th i'm so super excited for them both. anyhow back to the dream we are at an outside wedding inside a big blue tarp (again this is so not the real thing) a close friend to the bride and groom is officiating. i didn't catch his name but he was tall with dark curly hair. and he was hilarious. he begins the ceremony in spanish explaining what he learned about marriage in 5th grade health lesson. the bride ended up on an exam table and the friend was saying something about he belly button unfortunately my spanish isn't that great even in my dreams and i was at a wedding so i didn't want to ask neil right then what he was saying. but everyone laughed and they moved on.
things went back to english stories of missions were shared, they gave a dance lesson, the bride shared some of their dating experiences. at one point i thought she was going to give the groom a root canal. the dream ended with the friend saying okay lets get to what we came here for...
that's it i can't wait for the reception!!! dreams are so fun. had i known weddings could be done like this i may have talked to neil a year ago to see what we could cook up. lol oh by the way hailey you looked beautiful!
dreams always leave me in a stupor
take last night's episode for example
*i took little missy to the dentist or so i thought but turns out they couldn't do anything for her so they kicked me out. this is where i loose my kids i'm not sure where they went(at a later time they are at home so maybe my prince met me at the dentist's office to take them home, this has happened before) but i ended up in the lobby of the dental office or so i thought but as i looked around i realized i was in restaurant/bar something similar to apple bees or red robin but a little more classy. i was all alone but only for a while. soon i met four friends Shannon, Kyla, Bree and the forth i can't recall i've been trying all day. if you want me to i could describe their physical features. well we sat and chatted i think we ordered a plate of nachos it was great how they just took we in.
when we got up to leave they invited me to go up to their apartment, i told them not today but i would see them around i had to find my way home, i was sure my husband and kids were wondering where i was. so they went to an upstairs apartment and at one point i learned that the girls whose name i can't remember was struggling to make it. i'm not sure what that meant i think it was money but it's kind of a blur.
i walked outside into the street i knew i was in utah, but it looked like a street that one would see in CSI NY or law and order SUV. a run down street in new york where scary things happen. i walked along quickly wondering what i was going to do how i was going to get home. i saw a bus ahead but when i stopped to look inside i got the impression that it was actually some ones home. the driver asked if i wanted a ride i passed, truthfully the guy gave me the creeps so kept walking but the road was coming to an end i turned to the right through a small passage way i was out side of the city walking among trees there was high school foot ball practice to my right and hundreds of suburban homes stretched out in front of me. i stopped to ask someone how i would get to idaho. they told me to take the bus. as the bus passed behind me. that one i asked pointing the home on wheels i had passed by earlier. the family in front of me said yep that's the one it should be back in a few hours to take me to the airport or to catch a grey hound.
Thanks i said as i kept walking it looked a lot like rio rancho new mexico but i knew i was in utah and it wasn't until that moment that i remembered i have a best friend right here in this state i was sure not too far away who would come to help me. i found a mileage sign and flipped open my phone....
that's the end it was one of those that i wanted so bad to finish but it was no use the kids were awake and the rest well it's untold for now.
to honor the king of rhyme
as a mother i find that a lot of things that belong to me are not really mine. let me explain! the first moment that i specificaly remember was my 23rd birthday. i was 8 months pregnant with my first child and for MY last birthday as a motherless person, one of my best friends gave me a baby blanket. now don't get me wrong. i was grateful and i chersh the gift. she had spent a lot of time on it and it was a wonderful gift. however it was not really mine.
at dinner tonight we asked sister what she wanted to be when she grew up.
"i'm just going to be a mom"
"WHAT!!! being a mom is not a just when your a mom you are a teacher, a nurse, a counselor, a chauffeur, a referee...." of course none of this sank into sister's head but i will continue to teacher her that if she has the privilege of being able stay home with her children then it's not just being a mom!
fast forward 25 mins
-bathtime-
i'm sitting in the bathroom while sister and brother take a bath. watching them fight then play and fight again, over who has the big water cup or the pink rubber ducky completely disregarding the four other ducks in the tub at the same time. i wash their hair, and as always, do my best not to get soap in their eyes. Unfortunately tonight i failed when it came to the conditioner and sister decided i was her towel. I said what do you think i am your towel and she giggled and said yes. i guess that's one more thing to add to the list of things i am, as a mother, a towel.
then i began to wonder if "the mother of the year" ever was used as a towel. in my research i found two examples of mother of the year.
First
Mother of the Year State and National Recognition Program
Qualifications
Be at least forty-five (45) years of age.
Have been married to her husband, a man, in a legal ceremony.
Be a mother of one or more children. Her youngest child must be at least 15 years old by Mother's Day of the year in which she will serve as Mother of the Year.
Have proven to be a successful mother as evidenced by her child(ren)'s accomplishments.
Be able to represent American Mothers, Inc.® using her mothering experience.
Be an active member of a faith-based organization.
Be an active participant in community, state, national or international activities.
Be a member in good standing of American Mothers, Inc.® by February 20 of the year for which she is nominated and be willing to participate in AMI activities and support its goals as defined by its mission statement.
Be able to complete the required portfolio.
Second
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygz0m6za0BI
I know which one i aspire to be! How about you?
friendships come and go but there are a precious few that stand the test of time. my best friends and they know who they are have been here for me through thick and thin. though none of us are in the same stage of life but some how we manage to stay connected. recently there was quite a snag among us. tho whole premise for this hindrance in what most of the time is a pretty solid friendship came from lack of open and honest communication. i consider bluntness to be a super communication skill of course there should always be consideration for others feelings but the ability to be able to say what is on your mind to be open and honest is a quality i strive to have. unfortunately in this most recent incident i let my pride get the good of me and i didn't let the friend who hurt me know how i felt. and in the same incident she was not open and honest with me. so for two months we were both frustrated, me because i didn't understand why she was being so selfish and her because she knew she would be letting me down. both of these feeling by the way were twisted because neither of us knew the whole truth, until last night. it's not all better now but it's getting there. i know she is still hurt but i don't know how to fix it. never the less i'm grateful for this reminder that open and honest is the best way to go and hopefully thing amongst friends will grow and strengthen through this experience.
okay so this is my fifth year teaching in idaho. that is approximately 850 days of school of which at least 400 have been winter days. never the less i have only had the opportunity to enjoy a snow day ONCE!!! i guess i had a secret hope that these wonderful winters here in idaho would allow more snow days. though i'm not sure why i went to jr. high, high school and college in idaho as well and though i'm not sure how many snow days we had i did know it's not more than 5. so maybe living in a state with snow isn't the way to go. i should move to california, or arizona. they seem to have more snow days in places that has snow only 3 days a year. ironic yes. but it's cool maybe i'll take all my kindergartners out to build a snowman or 20!
